"Part of me is afraid to get close to people because I'm afraid they're going to leave." -Marilyn Manson
Hi, Mr Nate.
This week, I wanna' blog about me.
From young, I've been pretty much left alone by my family.
I'd be doing my stuffs alone and they'll be doing theirs.
This home, it's just like another place for me to sleep in.
I didn't have much friends, even up 'till now.
I'm afraid of making new friends & that people wouldn't like me for who I am.
I'm afraid of getting close to people, because I'm afraid they'd leave.
I'm afraid of history repeating itself.
Until now, I wouldn't dare to let my guards down.
I was backstabbed very badly back in secondary school.
It was me against the world.
To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark.
To be kicked when you're down, feeling like you've been pushed around.
It felt so bad. It feels like it's only me in my world.
I gotta' depend on myself for everything. No one's there to even hear you out.
I fear being alone, but most of the times I'm all by myself.
I hate being like this. Getting hurt so easily by words people say.
I'm so afraid of hurtful words.
I'm a very 'closed' person. I tend to keep almost everything to myself.
I do more thinking than talking.
Whenever some of my friends have their own problems & they talk to me about it, I'd try my best to help.
But what about me opening up to others.
I have thought about opening up, but it's just so hard for me to do that. I end up not being myself, & transforming into a completely different person.
I don't choose to be this way. I am so afraid of everything.
Tears are rolling down as I type on this keyboard.
Sometimes I wish all this would end.
Sometimes I wish I had a pair of listening ears & someone who gives me advises.
Sometimes I wish I don't exist...
It's easier to smile and pretend that I'm happy than trying to explain why I'm not.
This song. It's an old song but it never fails to bring me to tears whenever I listen. I'd hope you'd spend some time to listen. This is exactly how I'm feeling.
You might be thinking that I'm trying to seek some attention.
